I’m pretty sure if you’re accused of favouritism you will have a strong negative reaction against that. However, you might be doing it without even realizing. Watch out for the three big no-nos listed below.
‘Be like X’…
Have you ever suggested to one of your team members that they should look at one of their peers, and compared anything about them?
During coaching sessions it is completely legitimate to suggest that your team member should observe the behaviour of others. It’s even fine to suggest they should try to grow some of their positive characteristics within themselves. Especially if these are traits of someone they also admire and respect.
But, comparing someone directly to another team member in the same team, and suggesting that they should do something to be like them is a really bad idea. It will rarely have the effect you want even if you think it does.
My advice: never go there.
More than likely it will leave your team member feeling like you think they are lesser to the other person and it implies favouritism. Ultimately it can lead to resentment directed at you, the manager, and them, the unknowing subject of conversation.
How to avoid: Take care during coaching sessions to avoid comparing your team member to another person on the team.
Disproportionate Diarising
When you’re a very busy leader with competing priorities, it is so easy to spend a lot of time working with one particular team member. Often you will go off together to meetings and return together in front of everyone else, maybe even holding coffees.
Your actions could be completely normal and required, or they could be a manifestation of favouritism.
If you find yourself cancelling someone’s 1-1, or not attending meetings with them where you would normally be required. Yet you go everywhere with another team member, then more than likely your other team members will view this as favouritism, even if you don’t think it is.
This is amplified if you also give your other team members a hard time when you do talk to them.
How to avoid: Do your best to avoid cancelling regular 1-1 meetings with your team members. Carefully consider the way your behaviour looks to others on the team.
Imbalanced Recognition
Recognition, both formal and informal is a sensitive topic and should be treated with care. It’s generally accepted that more recognition is better, the way you deliver it however, is important.
True Story
In ancient history I was part of a team where in what felt like every weekly team meeting we would hear about how well a particular person had done. They did do a great job, however so were other people, but we only ever heard about this one person. Most times the enthusiastic praise went on just that little bit too long.
Eye-rolling
It was rather tiring in the moment, but ended up becoming a running joke. Our manager didn’t notice the eye rolling, the glances around the room, or the awkward silences. They were oblivious to the fact that they were causing resentment towards this individual. When finally it was formal recognition time no-one was surprised when this person once again received all the accolades.
The subject of their adulation of course noticed what was happening and felt supremely awkward about it. They didn’t quite understand why the recognition was so skewed in their favour and you could tell the praise was having the exact opposite effect to what was intended on them as well as the group.
Lost Credibility
Needless to say the team manager lost most if not all of their credibility through their attempt at doing a good job with recognition.
The silver lining for me was that I learnt exactly what not to do when it came to recognizing my team members.
How to avoid: Balance your recognition for each person, some one to one, some with the team, and ensure you look for the positive in everyone. Celebrate achievements of everyone throughout the year when they deliver results. Avoid the teacher’s pet scenario.
Sound familiar?
If so don’t panic. It is always possible to scale these behaviours back. Self-awareness is key, first notice when it is happening. Once you do this the rest is easy. Spread the love around!
What Are Your Thoughts on Favouritism?
Do you have experience of managers you have worked with being biased towards others or towards you? What effect did this have on the team?
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