5 Effective Exercises To Help You Beat Imposter Syndrome
In around 2014 or so I went through a difficult time at work. It was a hellish time for no less than 6 months. The circumstances I was experiencing had triggered very strong feelings of Imposter Syndrome and I needed to beat it.
I’ve been testing out exercises ever since. Today I want to share my top 5 with you. Just in case you should ever need them.
If you want to skip direct to the 5, then click here. Otherwise I will give you a little background first!
I was a confident and feisty woman leader in tech (still feisty!)
Before my ‘difficult time’ I was confident in my own abilities. The years of experience I had in global corporate roles, especially as a woman in technology, helped me to stand my ground in any situation.
If I wasn’t happy in a role at any time I would make bold decisions. I would have difficult conversations immediately, with anyone at any level. I wasn’t afraid to move on to the next opportunity. I was completely in control of my own situation so I simply did the right thing for me.
This time it was different
I was trapped. Not long before I had moved internationally. I was on a work permit and this was conditional on me staying in that exact role. If I left the role I would have six months to find another job at a business willing to get me a new work permit. If I didn’t find anything I would have to leave the country.
Leaving the country was the last resort. Getting a job elsewhere would have been tough with my circumstances. I chose to try and get through the hell I was living as fast and as unscathed as possible.
My hellish circumstances pushed me to the brink
There was no option available to me to go and tell someone who could put a stop to this. To quote Mel Robbins “if a bully in management is getting results, the bully stays”, she’s right and I knew that at the time. The bully usually has an enabler – their boss, or a powerful supporter, and in this case they did. I also watched someone else try to stand up to this wall of toxicity and they were ejected, without fanfare.
I developed an acute case of Imposter Syndrome
I had experienced Imposter Syndrome in mild doses when stepping far out of my comfort zone in the past. Usually when speaking on stage to a few hundred people. However I had never experienced it in this kind of situation.
I began to feel crushed, I had little to no confidence when I was in the presence of this person. I felt like I had no knowledge and despairingly at times I didn’t even know how I had even managed to get that role.
It was abject hell. I was a different person. It was eating me up inside, what the hell was wrong with me and why is this happening? Physically the stress manifested as TMJ – terrible jaw pain leading to awful headaches.
I had pushed my fight down because I felt like I needed this job. If I could only hold on for a short while until my work permit was sorted, I could leave.
In the meantime Imposter Syndrome got hold of me. On top of all the crap at work it was ruining my life.
My circumstances changed but the Imposter Syndrome didn’t go away
When I figured out how to get out of the tough time I was experiencing at work I was left with lingering doubts about my ability. My faith in my knowledge and experience had returned. I was never anything but confident (and feisty) outwardly but inside it was a different story.
My Imposter Syndrome was nowhere near as bad as the crippling self-doubt I was feeling during the dark times, but it was still there. I couldn’t shake it, and now it seemed like I would have to live with it forever.
I’ll save the story of how I escaped the bully for another time.
I found others who felt Imposter Syndrome too
During the tough times and ever since I have come across so many people who also suffer with the classic symptoms of Imposter Syndrome. They usually have one of a couple of things in common.
- They are operating outside of their comfort zone. Mostly they are high achieving women (or those who identify as women), I haven’t met as many men who experience Imposter Syndrome. This could of course be because I haven’t discussed it with enough men!
- They are in or have experienced a rough time at work or home. They might be past victims of bullying, had their confidence knocked because of a project that went awry, or they’re just fed up of where they are in life
The signs of Imposter Syndrome
Imposters I have talked to have told me:
- They experience feelings of fraudulence
- They feel like they can’t anticipate what is about to happen and are therefore unprepared
- People are always trying to catch them out
- Managers give them a hard time on purpose
- At any moment someone could ask them a question they can’t answer
- They expect to be caught out any moment
- They are afraid that they will forget what they are saying once they start talking (and then, people will laugh, roll their eyes, or, they will get in trouble)
Catastrophic thinking is a sign of Imposter Syndrome
When our minds are clouded by Imposter Syndrome we aren’t at our best and can sometimes struggle to think straight. We are distracted by feelings of inadequacy and fear. It is possible to get into a cycle of catastrophic thinking.
Catastrophizing is almost as bad as wishing with all our might for something bad to happen. We ask and the universe provides. And even if it doesn’t, we still feel as though it did. Yeah, it really sucks.
Is it even possible to beat Imposter Syndrome?
I’ve found that opinion on this is split. I personally believe that Imposter Syndrome can strike any of us whether we have had it before or not. Even if we don’t seem to be suffering with it anymore, it can still come back during the times we are really stretching ourselves.
5 Effective Exercises To Help You Beat Imposter Syndrome
Over the last few years I have read every book and article, watched every video, listened to every podcast I could get my hands on. I’ve tried just about every exercise you can think of!
I have come up with my top 5 list and I’m sharing them here in the hope that they will help you.
Let me know if you try any of them, and whether they work for you!
#1 Competence Rulebook for Mere Mortals – Dr Valerie Young
In her book, which is about beating Imposter Syndrome, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Dr Valerie Young shares boatloads of gold dust!
The book is a must read overall but there is a particularly great section within – The Competence Rulebook for Mere Mortals.
In this section, Valerie goes through her list of ‘Competence Types’ and explains the general rules that those who fall into each type hold themselves accountable to. Each of these rules are pretty much impossible to live by even a fraction of the time – let alone in everything we do. Valerie explains that we try to hold ourselves to these impossibly high standards, and when we can’t meet them we start to feel like imposters.
Valerie explains how to reframe these thoughts and beliefs and includes a new set of rules for each of the competence types to live by. Ones that are achievable and sensible, but more importantly, that help you to beat Imposter Syndrome.
#2 Self Doubt’s Surprising Kryptonite – Sas Petherick
Courage and Spice, The Podcast for Humans With Self-Doubt, is one of my favourite regular listens. The host, Sas Petherick, whose Master’s dissertation delved deep into self-doubt, shares amazing advice and insights in every single episode. I definitely recommend you subscribe!
In this episode Sas walks through an exercise she invented which requires you to rate the most significant areas in your life to audit where self-doubt shows up. When you have identified the areas where you’re vulnerable to experiencing it, you work through a series of simple questions which will unlock the choices you have. The final step is to identify a small safe step that you can take immediately.
Here is a direct link to this podcast episode which has an accompanying worksheet: http://courageandspice.com/episode-11-self-doubts-surprising-kryptonite/
Subscribe to Courage & Spice in your favourite podcast app.
#3 The Bullshit List – Marie Forleo
In her excellent book ‘Everything Is Figuroutable’ Marie references Imposter Syndrome a number of times. The basic premise of the book is that you can do anything you want. You can achieve your dreams, and in general solve most problems by figuring our how to bust roadblocks out of your way. Even in the face of adversity.
I highly recommend you buy Marie’s book, I bought the audio version!
Marie shares a great exercise which I call the bullshit list. She takes you through an exercise to identify your limiting beliefs, those that completely hold you back, and then call them out for what they are – bullshit! Once you leave these behind you’re free to get on with the actions you need to take, free of self-doubt.
#4 Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are – Dr Amy Cuddy
Link to Amy’s talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
In this moving TED Talk which has over 55 million views, Dr Amy Cuddy tells her personal story, including that of her battle with self-doubt and Imposter Syndrome and how she crushed them.
She shares the emotional moment when she realized she no longer felt Imposter Syndrome – while looking into the face of one of her students who reminded her of herself, several years earlier.
Amy describes the technique of ‘Power Posing’ or ‘Postural Feedback’ and explains how our body language can affect our confidence in certain types of situations.
In the years since this TED talk Amy’s science was questioned, so she proved it was scientifically correct again, and then some. Go Amy! (Read the details here: https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2018/04/03/power-posing-is-back-amy-cuddy-successfully-refutes-criticism)
#5 Fear Setting by Tim Ferris
Tim’s viral TED Talk “Why you should define your fears instead of your goals” was a game-changer for me and for many of those I coach.
Tim explains that if you map out your fears, and then plan what your solution will be if they should arise, you can feel so well prepared that they simply melt away.
You’re ready for anything and you know you will know what to do if something bad does actually happen. The really really bad ones are usually pretty unlikely.
Just the act of going through this exercise and getting your fears on paper so to speak, makes you feel better about everything. It reinforces the fact that you will be able to handle whatever comes up. If you can think of a solution now, you can think of a solution in the moment. By doing the fear setting exercise you can put that burden to one side and focus on doing the things that matter and making progress!
Link to Tim’s TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferriss_why_you_should_define_your_fears_instead_of_your_goals?language=en
Punch Imposter Syndrome In The Face
In January 2020 my online course ‘Punch Imposter Syndrome In The Face’ will go live. If you ever experience Imposter Syndrome and wish to read more about the course, click here to visit the summary. If you’re interested you can join the waitlist so you’ll be the first to hear about it.
Disrespect from your team can also bring on Imposter Syndrome
When your team disrespects you it can also bring on Imposter Syndrome. If this is happening to you take a look at this article: Turn Disrespect Into Admiration – Take The Power Back
It is for you if for whatever reason you’ve found yourself in a situation you can’t see your way out of, and any of the following points resonate:
- Your team have lost respect for you – or they didn’t give it to you in the first place – and their behaviour is out of control
- You notice attitude problems or members of your team are speaking to you with contempt
- Some or all of your team members are not sticking to agreed decisions
- Certain team members are completely undermining your authority
I would love to hear from YOU!
Email me and tell me your story at: abby@leadcredibly.com