Have you ever managed a suicidal person?

According to the World Health Organisation:

• Close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15-29 year olds globally
• Suicide accounted for 1.4% of all deaths worldwide, making it the 18th leading cause of death in 2016

I have dealt with this situation myself

Over a decade ago I experienced first-hand what it is like to be the people manager of a team member who is having suicidal thoughts. It was a traumatic time.

Six weeks in summer

Our story starts one UK summer in the mid-2000s. The entire team was in high spirits, mostly due to the weather but also because in this business summer was a quieter time which allowed us to relax a little. A buzz of conversation and occasional laughter filled our usually quiet group office. We were enjoying working together and making the most of the summer.

On the surface everything seemed fine, however over the next five or six weeks it would become abundantly clear that not all was well with everyone.

Erratic and unpredictable behaviour

One of my team members, we’ll call him David, started to behave rather erratically. It began with the odd little thing which was not overly noticeable for most in the beginning. Although I picked up on it most people were oblivious in the early stages. It soon escalated though and our happy team environment became tense and uncomfortable.

The first warning sign

Every day at around 2pm David began to bring a glass of water in from the kitchen, drop two fizzy soluble painkillers into it, give it a good stir and then drink it casually as though it were a french vanilla capuccino. This was odd because it became a daily occurrence. When I asked if all was okay David would brush off any concerns, he just had a bit of a headache.

I was of course troubled that David appeared to have a headache every single day, but our discussion about the root cause didn’t really get anywhere. He behaved dismissively when I asked if he had seen a doctor, because daily headaches no matter how minor, could be a sign of more serious health problems. I even got the feeling that there was an undercurrent of contempt towards me when I enquired.

At the time I didn’t know that he was addicted to non-prescription painkillers and was self-medicating. He was also drinking heavily every evening. I found out later that he was dosed up most of the time.

Escalating tensions

It’s now that I must point out that David had a very dry sense of humour, his style was that of the humorous complainer. He frequently made us laugh by pointing out every day annoyances and passing comedy judgement on the way products or systems were designed. He was witty and it really was quite hilarious.

As the summer progressed however, David’s little stories became charged more with emotion than sarcasm. They grew into monologues, filled with barbed comments, until eventually they turned into full-on ranting. It wasn’t lost on me that this was making the whole room uncomfortable. Our happy team environment was being disturbed by David and despite what I was saying to him, he continued.

Finding it tough

Personally I found this a very tough situation to deal with. Obviously something was wrong, but during private conversations between the two of us David would only become angrier.

He was upset at the business where we worked, he hated the way we were managed by our leadership team, and had begun to close down to me. He would comply momentarily when I asked him to tone down his stories a little, but a couple of days later he would be back at it again.

The final straw

David’s situation came to a head with an incident triggered by the way people walked through the door into the office and allowed it to slam behind them. It closed this way because it was a fire door but people didn’t need to burst through it and allow it to slam. It was pretty annoying I have to admit.

However one day the annoying door triggered a meltdown with David, he repeatedly held the door open and allowed it to slam closed, while ranting. He was beginning to have a full on breakdown and it started in the office.

This happened while I was not in the room and was over when I arrived, so I did not witness it but of course I had to address it. David by this point had disappeared, but when he returned we found a private meeting room to sit down and talk about things. The situation was very tense. I could sense the seething anger that was coursing through his veins.

We agreed that David would take some time out to calm down and he went home.

What happened to David?

It turned out that David was dealing with some very difficult circumstances in his life outside of work. He was struggling and his erratic and unpredictable behaviour was a symptom of this. He was feeling pain and despair, and coming to work to deal with everyday things was making things worse for him.

I had no idea until later that it was so bad for him.

Eventually David came back to work after having a few weeks off. Unfortunately despite insisting he was okay he came back too soon and his battle continued. It was at this time that he told me of how he had called his local crisis centre and they had placed him on suicide watch, how he got through that but was then left alone again. He told me that he had to fight for the medical care he knew he needed.

I was so glad he found the strength within to do so, many others wouldn’t have.

Ill-equipped manager

Regrettably I wasn’t well equipped to deal with such a situation. While I noticed warning signs I didn’t connect the dots early enough to help David quickly. Although I knew there was more to the situation, I didn’t know that I could only see the tip of the iceberg and there was so much more beneath.

I sought the help of my human resources department and of my manager. They were very supportive indeed and this was definitely the right choice for me, but I definitely could have done more.

What would I do differently next time?

• Try harder to understand – I would have spent much more time reading and learning about David’s behaviour patterns to try and understand his situation so that I could connect with him better
• Ask for professional help – Once I understood the gravity of the situation, I would have asked for help from the right professionals who could advise what to do to help him
• Reaching out to David – Although I was struggling to connect with David I truly believe that I could have done more. If I had a better understanding of what he was going through I might have been able to find the right words to let him know how important he really was

There is always something you can do…

Have you ever been in this situation? Share your learnings below, let’s help each other.

If you’re going through something similar right now here is some advice shared by the World Health Organisation:

• Suicides are preventable
• It is okay to talk about suicide
• Asking about suicide does not provoke the act of suicide. It often reduces anxiety and helps people feel understood

They also advise that the following are actions you should take:

• Find an appropriate time and a quiet place to talk about suicide with the person you are worried about. Let them know that you are there to listen
• Encourage the person to seek help from a professional, such as a doctor, mental health professional, counsellor or social worker. Offer to accompany them to an appointment
• If you think the person is in immediate danger, do not leave him or her alone. Seek professional help from the emergency services, a crisis line, or a health-care professional, or turn to family members
• If the person you are worried about lives with you, ensure that he or she does not have access to means of self-harm (for example pesticides, firearms or medication) in the home
• Stay in touch to check how the person is doing

For more information visit the WHO website: http://www.who.int/campaigns/world-health-day/2017/handouts-depression/family/en/ or contact your local crisis centre.

Final words of wisdom from the WHO:

Remember: If you know someone who may be considering suicide, talk to them about it. Listen with an open mind and offer your support.

What Do You Think?

Let me know your thoughts on this in the comments below, I would love to hear from you.

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