Do you find it hard to talk to your people?

Yes? Then you’re not alone. It is common for managers to find general communication with their team members difficult.

If you think about it, making small talk and the early conversation involved in getting to know what is essentially a stranger in this type of dynamic is not really natural.

It’s even more challenging with the restricted nature the conversation has to take. There are questions you might ask in general conversation outside of work, that simply aren’t appropriate with colleagues.

Building a strong working relationship can be complicated and stressful for both of you as the stakes are high to get it right from the beginning.

If you want to communicate effectively with your team or colleagues, try the five steps below.

1. Show An Interest

Showing an interest involves the following two steps:

1. Asking open questions
2. Listening carefully and continuing the conversation based on the answer you hear

This is like small talk, but it goes beyond in that you are really aiming to learn things about the other person. You are taking a genuine interest.

It is understood that when information is shared in these ‘getting to know you’ conversations you will remember it. If your memory isn’t too hot for these sort of details, then take notes. You will be very grateful later if you do. If taking notes do wait until after the conversation is over. It could come across as slightly weird otherwise.

Example questions to use for starting conversations

• How was your commute today?
• What did you get up to over the weekend?
• What are your hobbies?
• Which sports teams do you support?
• What’s your favourite vacationing spot?

Use open questions. Avoid anything with just a yes or no answer unless using an intro question with follow-up. For example:

Q – Are you a sports fan?
A – No
Q – Ah, what do you get up to in your spare time? (i.e. what are your hobbies)

Or

Q – Are you a sports fan?
A – Oh yes I love football
Q – I’m a big fan too, who do you support?

Notice that the questions are connected together to show you’re listening. If you fire questions at them one after the other and don’t even respond to what they are saying it won’t feel genuine. Adopt a relaxed pace in the conversation, you don’t want it to feel like an interrogation.

To communicate effectively with your team, allow them to do most of the talking. If it feels a little awkward push on through and lead into your work based conversation as naturally as you can.

2. Avoid Taboo Topics

Being over familiar can make people feel uncomfortable. There are subjects you should not open up to conversation. Especially in the early days. Seriously. Just don’t go there.

In no particular order here are a few examples…

• Race/parentage/background
• Sexuality
• Gender
• Family situation/plans to have children or not
• Religion
• Politics

You can have successful conversations about these topics – definitely, but how and when you do so is very important. I plan to cover this in more detail in a future post.

3. Walk and Talk

So you know what to ask and what not to ask so you can communicate effectively with your team. You’ve planned your conversation roughly out. Yet, you still feel uncomfortable.

Sitting across a desk from someone and having these unnatural conversations just feels awkward. The great thing is you don’t have to do it this way.

Walking and talking is a brilliant way to break down that discomfort. It removes the need to worry about how much eye contact to make and removes the sensation of difficult silences. It puts the other party at ease and opens up even more topics to discuss.

This can be easily done simply by saying something like:

‘Let’s go and grab a coffee, I’ll take you to my favourite coffee house’

Then off you go, as you walk the conversation will flow.

Top tips:

• Don’t walk too fast
• Make sure you buy the coffee, and
• Make a mental note of what they order

4. Find Common Ground

Much the same as when conversing with new people you meet in your social life, finding a connection greases the wheels of conversation. Look for a common thread. Something you are both knowledgeable about or interested in that you can discuss.

For example, if you enjoy snowboarding and you find out they are also interested in it, you will always be able to bring that up and talk about it in many different ways.

From favourite clothing and equipment brands to travel stories there will always be a go to topic.

But what if there is just nothing?

It is possible that there might be no common ground in terms of your own interests. In this case a great approach is to show an interest in their hobbies and passions.

Ask them to tell you more, how did they get into this, what do they like about it, is it popular?

Recently I was chatting to a friend of a friend and I discovered that she is a big Bridge player. I was intrigued by this as I don’t know anyone else who plays Bridge. When I found out there is a huge and very competitive Bridge scene I was so enlightened. I found it absolutely fascinating. I didn’t want to start playing Bridge – if I did I could have asked – but we chatted for a while about who plays, tournaments, how you learn to play, everything. It was a great conversation.

5. Give a Little of Yourself

I’m sure you have probably figured out through the course of reading this article that you will create a much better chance to communicate effectively with your team if you open up a little and share some personal information.

This doesn’t mean you need to give out private details such as your inside leg measurement, but it helps to share a few details they can connect with.

Finally

A two-way connection is foundational to building solid relationships with your team. Improving the way you communicate with them is the most important thing you can do. It might not come naturally. It doesn’t to most people. However if you put the effort in you will reap so much more than you sow.

What Do You Think?

Let me know your thoughts on this in the comments below, I would love to hear from you.

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